it's funny how the path we take leads us to the destination we arrive at.




sometimes going back in time and smacking myself seems like the best option

other times continuing is the best.




"forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead"
-philippians 3:13b


and to a certain (potential) reader out there: yes. i miss you and like you and yes. yesyesyesyes.

goodnight gentle love

it's days like today

that make you realize that everything is out of your control

and you can't help but think "i'm completely ok with all of this"

today should be good. this large low pressure system promises a lot of rain, which i gotta say, i'm completely okay with. work at the elementary school was canceled, again, okay with it. cherry will be rough tonight because of a sore throat.

and now to take a hard look at what defines me, and what i let influence me.


sometimes i wonder why i am where i am. then i look around.. what i carry with me, what i hold on to, what i let go of

suddenly where i am makes sense. scary

oh the many ways i'm silenced by the plank in my own eye.

glory.

after arriving home last night a flash in the sky caught my eye.
i was lying down on my driveway looking up at the clouds above.

they were soaked red from light pollution and were making haste across the sky. i thought "how beautiful is tonight? look at this glorious sky"

then the flash happened again. a giant cloud that took up most of the horizon i could keep in my periphery was unveiled from the night be a great flash of lightning. the immensity of the cloud revealed by it's own glory.
then as quick as it could be seen, it disappeared again into the dark.

the longer it was that i looked for this cloud and the more the lightning shown it, the easier it was to see.


How can i live for myself and for Christ?
i can't.

"He must become greater; I must become less." john 3:30



the longer we look at Christ the more revealed he is to us.

single minded

oh that i may gaze upon your beauty oh Lord



that i may see your holy face



that i may know you in an intimate way



and follow after you all of my days

i am nothing, Christ is everything.
the very lips that spoke the entirety of the cosmos into existence speaks to our hearts, romancing and pursuing us
how is that not worth surrendering your life?
honestly i can't tell you. but yet i decide, almost daily, that it isn't.


i am wrong.

Lilly pads are great for hopping

Bags and sandals great for shopping

And a lollipop to make the day go by

All the while my mind not stopping

All my hopes make me feel like popping

Just don’t let the glass half fullers cry

Till tonight when stars and clouds collide

And friends will all laugh in stride

Promises ending in a lie

When morning dawn does soon break

And movement for our hearts sake

The light of sky causes birds to fly

The afternoon shall kiss the evening

Segueing to steady bleeding

All beneath the heavy laden sky

The cycle continues it’s beating

Blinks begin slowly fleeting

As another day passes by

Filly pages with our lives

Watching them read at the end of time

All the while only asking “why?”

not the complete transcript, but still good, haha

it's all going to be ok
it's all going to be ok
it's all going to be ok
it's all going to be ok

honestly

i simply cannot wait until this semester is over. that is all.

a permanent proof of a temporary existance

we are no longer alone

my alarm clock introduces me to the morning, insisting that we might be good friends
and while the morning brings it's friends the dark and cold, we seem to all get along

today was pretty banner. i rode my bike all the way to fsu (not a feat of distance, a feat of altitude :))
and once there i finally told fsu what was up, and now i'm registered for 4 summer classes, and can't wait to completely master them and show fsu what i'm made up of :
1 cup ambition
2 teaspoons procrastination
1/2 cup ingenuity
3 garlic cloves
7 cups water

heat to 98.6 and mix often

i love it

i wish that where i am and where i want to be didn't seem as far apart.
i know that most of life is in the journey, but my feet are getting tired.

i don't aspire to be much
i aspire to change much

old dogs

i was reading something today that was rather disturbing... yet convicting
i began to think upon reading about how some things haven't changed listening to someone rant about something that happened years ago
then i began to realize that although i would like to say something in retort, i am silenced by the plank in my own eye
ouch.
anger is a bitter red monster that festers under our skin

think about this

we are saved.
we are being saved.
we will be saved.

sweet, eh?

i was stumbling through some old journals and writings and discovered this interesting piece about my mother that i wrote quite a while back.
"i know most of you have moms, but to me none of your moms are as special as mine And here are some of the things that she donse home work help, being thoughfull, and cooking like a pro. Anyway she is so special i just had to write a story about her. Anyway here is the first, thing.
As you might have guessed this paragraph is about homework help, well your rite. My mom helps me with homework when i need it. When i do she helps me. My mom helps me with my homework when i need it, but she's always being thoughtful.
Again as you might have guessed this paragraph is about being thoughful. My mom is thoughtful. Most mom are, it's thier nature. Well what makes my mom thoughful is she always thinking of others. She leaves little notes if you felling blue (even if your not). She buys me little gifts. Being thoughful is nice, But cooking like a pro is even beter.
Again as you might have guessed this paragraph is about cooking like a pro. Moms mons cook good. My mom has a way to make bad foods good. My mom cooks basically everything good.
My mom is the best. No one could replace her. I will do my best to help her. She is a great mom."


note: any spelling or grammatical errors are completely in effort to reproduce this completely raw and a copy of the original.

and i will show you my faith by what i do

last summer i worked at a summer camp at a local elementary school. being amongst the first there on this particular morning i was assigned the task of moving, for whatever the reason, a rather heavy shelf (on wheels) from one spot in the cafeteria to another. there was one child present at this moment, amongst the directors and myself. i began my task. within moments Rosea (the child present) asked if she could help me. i consented to her helping me move the shelf and she smiled. she put both hands and walked at the same speed as the shelf was moving, and with much contentment on her part the shelf moved.. notably not any faster or with any more ease on my part.
i realized that although her help was not necessary, and barely any help at all, it gave her a defining sense of self and purpose. A feeling that could not be replicated simply by playing with dolls, or building with blocks, something that could only be created by her doing something outside of herself.. venturing into the world of adults, a world which to children is as mysterious as it is romanticized and unknown.
i later realized that it is the same way with God. he doesn't need our help, being all knowing and all powerful, he doesn't realistically need anything that humans can give. however, God lets us help. not for his sake, but for ours.
we have a great opportunity and yet we sit on our hands.
we have the privilege and ability to serve

Matthew 25:40
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

also:

James 2:18
But someone will say, "You have faith; I have deeds." Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.

i've struck up an acquaintance with the morning. we share each other, the sun and i. i keep it company while it keeps me warm on my drive. we share thoughts and maybe some coffee.
a Persian poet named Hafiz once wrote
"even after all this time the sun never says to the earth 'you owe me.' Look what happens with a love like that, it lights the whole sky."

at times i feel like my brain is a thick fog and my thoughts are like little children. running around needlessly so that by the time i find one he has run off before i can find another one.
this tedious process of catch and release and re-catch and re-release is all a bit daunting and at times i wonder
what do i wonder?
oh.. i forget, ha.

maybe i just lack a starting block. oh, indeterminate proclivities