spectators sport

hello unloved.

today i sat on the sidelines of my own life and watched. and hated it.

i have no excuse. i have no reason.

a permanent proof of a temporary existence

hello forgotten.

recently i've been thinking/praying a lot about a calling that's existed for a while as embers exist long after a fire has gone out. however, these particular embers were fortunate enough to catch a gust of wind strong enough to reignite they're almost extinguished dying selves. we'll go ahead and call that gust of wind mexico, for sake of clarity. it's interesting to me how sometimes things fall (whether together or apart) in perfect time with our needs. God is amazing like that i suppose. He really is with us, walking alongside. i think that He truely gets excited (probably more so than us) when we are walking with Him, and things begin happen. great things.

i suppose it's really no mystery at all when you can see all of time in a single glance, but for me... from where i'm standing (in the middle of the trees that have yet to become a forest to me) i stand amazed.

as for me and the next __+ years, i will be serving the one who sees infinitely more than me, who sees not only the the forest, but the land in which the forest lies, and the work on which the land lies... and the universe in which the planet lies... and everything outside of that.

it seems like a good idea to me at least



"Oh, doubters, let's go down... let's go down, won't you come on down?
Oh, doubters, let's go down... down to the river to pray.
'Oh, but I'm so small I can barely be seen... how can this great love be inside of me?'
Look at your eyes.... they're small in size, but they see enormous things."
-mewithoutYou "four word letter pt.2"

it's funny how the path we take leads us to the destination we arrive at.




sometimes going back in time and smacking myself seems like the best option

other times continuing is the best.




"forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead"
-philippians 3:13b


and to a certain (potential) reader out there: yes. i miss you and like you and yes. yesyesyesyes.

goodnight gentle love

it's days like today

that make you realize that everything is out of your control

and you can't help but think "i'm completely ok with all of this"

today should be good. this large low pressure system promises a lot of rain, which i gotta say, i'm completely okay with. work at the elementary school was canceled, again, okay with it. cherry will be rough tonight because of a sore throat.

and now to take a hard look at what defines me, and what i let influence me.


sometimes i wonder why i am where i am. then i look around.. what i carry with me, what i hold on to, what i let go of

suddenly where i am makes sense. scary

oh the many ways i'm silenced by the plank in my own eye.

glory.

after arriving home last night a flash in the sky caught my eye.
i was lying down on my driveway looking up at the clouds above.

they were soaked red from light pollution and were making haste across the sky. i thought "how beautiful is tonight? look at this glorious sky"

then the flash happened again. a giant cloud that took up most of the horizon i could keep in my periphery was unveiled from the night be a great flash of lightning. the immensity of the cloud revealed by it's own glory.
then as quick as it could be seen, it disappeared again into the dark.

the longer it was that i looked for this cloud and the more the lightning shown it, the easier it was to see.


How can i live for myself and for Christ?
i can't.

"He must become greater; I must become less." john 3:30



the longer we look at Christ the more revealed he is to us.